shante (adimeadozen) wrote,

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i have never been so hurt in my life. i have never been so angry. i dont think ive ever cried so much. it doesnt even feel real. id like to imagine its not. but all the drugs in the world wont make this hurt go away. the person i have been in love with for almost the past year is deciding to break up with me 7 FUCKING DAYS before hes supposed to come home and see me. i have been waiting for this fucker for 6 months, all i've wanted all this time is to see him and kiss him again. how the fuck could he do this to me? all these letters telling me how much he loves me and cant wait to see me. i got one 5 days ago. he asks me what i want to do when he comes for his homepass and all this shit and then i get one today saying he has to do this for personal growth and he cant do the things he did before he went into his program, which i know and i was here to support him in anyway possible. he wants to go to school. so do i. why we cant be together and go to school i dont understand. i hope something has happened in his program that made him do this, something i can fix or talk with him about. he does counseling and im thinking they may have said something to him. but i am a mess. a complete fucking mess. i loved this boy more than anything. i feel like i have no one now. my best friend will be occupied from now until forever, and i am left alone. he understood me. atleast i thought. i am so hurt. fuck. i am so hurt. he actually called me a distraction. A FUCKING DISTRACTION. THE GIRL YOU LOVE IS A FUCKING DISTRACTION YOU PIECE OF SHIT. i cant belive this is happening 7 fucking days before he is supposed to be here. he told me he wants me to give his ID and ring and stuff to his parents but i wrote him a long letter back including how i will give his stuff back but only to him in person after i talk to him and get to see him. because this is bullshit. if i have been wasting my time all these months when i could have found someone who really loved me, im going to be so pissed. i have stopped talking to alot of my guy friends because all i wanted was to see him and i thought he was all i needed. well i guess i fucked up. i cant fucking belive this shit.
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